


Soulmates? More like time is fake and we're all plummeting to our deaths

by Overturned_Decent



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Fluff, Hi not a crack fic, M/M, Panic Attacks, Soulmarks, Soulmate AU, a person can be born with anywhere from none to three soulmarks, and romantic would obviously be your s/o, but basically, each mark would represent a different kind of love, familial so you're family, i either write in long strings on dialogue, i think, jared kinda an ass, just wait, okay i hope you guys like it, or in long descriptive paragraphs, platonic would be your friends, probably, so buckle up, the first scene sorta explains it, you'll know him when you see him, you're gonna hate this one guy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 13:14:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12366549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Overturned_Decent/pseuds/Overturned_Decent
Summary: "What are soulmates?"title cred to my friend @theanxiousboi because they're a legend and understands my weird sense of humor





	Soulmates? More like time is fake and we're all plummeting to our deaths

**Author's Note:**

> this is an original soulmate au genre, as far as I'm aware (not the mark part, but the stuff surrounding that). If you want to write something using this soul mark form, you don't need to ask, just be sure to credit me! And let me know if you do, I'd love to read them!

Friday, January 13th / Evan age 7

  
  


_ “Hey Mama?”  _

 

_ Heidi glanced up from her application forms for the community college nearby and looked at her son. Evan was curled into the corner of the couch, a chapter book spread open on his lap, but he was staring intently at his arm instead.  _

 

_ “What is it, honey?” She asked.  _

 

_ “Can you tell me how soulmates work again? I forgot and we have a quiz in soulmates studies next Wednesday.” Heidi instantly brightened; he wanted her  _ help _ , every mother understands the simple joy that brings. She hopped off the barstool at the counter and sat next to Evan on the couch. “Of course.” _

 

_ He folded his book up and set it down; Heidi recognized it as one of the many adventure book series’ centered around ~~soulmates~~.  _

 

_ “So,” She began, “You remember what they are, right?” _

 

_ Evan groaned. “Yes, Mama, they’re one of the possible three people connected to you spiritually that you find based on the symbol that you both have that is identical.” _

 

_ She smiled. “Someone’s been studying.” Evan rolled his eyes. “You seem to understand it pretty well, what do you need me for?” _

 

_ “I can’t remember what they all mean and all the other boring basic stuff.” _

 

_ “Okay, I can help with the boring basic stuff.” Evan giggled. Heidi nodded, smiling, “Let’s see your arm.” Evan extended his left arm over his lap so Heidi could see it. A straight column of three symbols, a few shades darker than his normal skin tone, were now visible on his wrist. Each were about the size of a nickel. The top one was a half circle with another much smaller half circle that looks like it would have been in the dead center had the circles not been split in half, and the middle and third bottom ones were full circles, but just the outline, which grew into what looked like an oak tree in the middle. They both were the same. Heidi traced her finger over them.  _

 

_ “So, numbers. Less than 50% of the population has a soulmark, and under fifteen percent have all three.” Evan smiled at that, looking at his three marks. “Each mark means a different kind of love. Your platonic soulmate, romantic soulmate, and your familial soulmate.”  _

 

_ Evan beamed at her. “You!”  _

 

_ Heidi’s heart swelled. “Yes, me.” She pulled her neon pink sock down a bit to reveal a single soul-mark on the side of her foot which was identical to Evan’s half circle.  _

 

_ “So that means my other two will be my best friend and my girlfriend?Like, they’ll be the same person?” Evan asked, his slightly pudgy finger gently touching the other two marks.  _

 

_ “Yes, they will.”  _

 

_ “Cool.” He whispered.  _

 

_ “Very, very cool.” She replied, thinking to herself how incredibly lucky she was to have Evan in her life, especially with how messy and utterly painful the next few weeks would be.  _

 

_ \-------------- _

 

Tuesday, October 19th / Evan age 13

 

_ “Hey ass-face.” Evan winced, wishing he could dissolve into the dark gray hoodie he was wearing.  _

 

_ “Wha-wha-wha-what is i-i-its H-h-harris.” _

 

_ “Jesus, you can’t even talk.” Evan wanted to run, but he was frozen in the hall. He just wanted to go eat lunch with Jared, even if Jared mostly ignored him now. Harris stormed over to where Evan stood and forcefully grabbed his arm, yanking the sleeve away. Evan let out a small yelp, and the dark ginger haired boy in front of him rolled his eyes.  _

 

_ “I thought yesterday we agreed you were gonna cover these fucking things up?” _

 

_ “I-i-i-i did? That’s, uh, uh, uh, why I’m wearing the ja-ja-jacket. Uh? Yeah.” _

 

_ “Yeah?” Harris replied. “Well  _ tha-tha-that _ isn’t enough.” He mocked. “I don’t care if you cover it in sharpie, just don’t let me see your fucking marks.” He shoved Evan’s arm away roughly and Evan stumbled back a bit. Harris glared at him before stomping away.  _

 

_ “You didn’t have to look for them though, I had it covered up enough.” Evan muttered under his breath.  _

 

_ “What the fuck did you just say?” Harris shouted, turning on Evan, shoving him against the locker wall and getting in his face.  _

 

_ “Ahh!! N-n-n-nothing- I didn’t say anything I-uh, I mean, shit, uh, uh I didn’t say anything I swear I’m sorry, I-I-I-I-” Evan’s hands instinctively covered his face, but that left his chest unguarded, and Harris seemed to realize that. He punched Evan in the stomach and Evan doubled over, coughing.  _

 

_ “I’m sorry-I’m sorry-I’m sorry-” He choked out and Harris shoved him, knocking him over. Evan curled into a ball, as tears formed in his eyes. God, he was such a mess.  _

 

_ “You better fucking apologize, Hansen. You better fucking apologize every damn time you see me from now on because you have three fucking soul-marks and I don’t have any and you better be sorry about that. You hear me?” _

 

_ Not answering was a mistake. _

 

_ “I said, do you fucking hear me, Hansen?” Harris yelled too close to Evan’s ear. Evan winced, wishing again that the school had enough money for security cameras.  _

 

_ “I hear you..” He whispered.  _

 

_ “Good.” Harris stood up, kicking Evan’s back and leaving the boy who had begun uncontrollably sobbing in the middle of the hall.  _

 

\-----------

 

Thursday, March 12  / Evan age 15

 

_ “Oh my god! Oh my god! You-your familial soulmark is your  _ mom _? Dear God, Hansen, that is the lamest thing I’ve heard all my life.” _

 

_ Evan shrunk in on himself as Harris and his current three friends cackled to themselves. He’d ditched the all dark colors look shortly after seventh grade, that seemed to make him stick out more than it helped him hide. Now, it was khakis, polo shirts, and sometimes his hoodie. It was soft, and comfortable, and too big so it was easy to hide his clenched, twitching hands in the sleeves.  _

 

_ “S-sorry.” He whispered.  _

 

_ “You hear that? ‘Sorry’, oh my God, he’s so fucking weird.” _

 

_ “Yeah, he’s so weird.” _

 

_ “No normal person says sorry that much oh my god.” _

 

_ “You’re so weird Hansen, you hear that? Having three marks doesn’t make you cool, it just makes you weird.” _

 

_ “I wonder if they’re actually just a birth defect and he got them from his mom.” _

 

_ “She’s probably as stupid and weird as you, Hansen.” _

 

_ “I’m sorry.” _

 

_ “Oh my god, what a fucking idiot.”  _

 

_ “I’m sorry.” _

 

_ “I’m sorry.” _

 

_ “I’m sorry.” _

 

_ I’m sorry.  _

 

_ Im sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry- _

 

_ \-------- _

Present day / Evan age 17

 

Evan sat on the bus, hands tapping an erratic rhythm onto his knees. His right hand began scratching obsessively at his left arm, which from about an inch off his elbow to the base of his fingers, was covered in a cast. Which meant his soulmarks were completely covered,  _ ‘Maybe if Harris still went to school here, he’d finally leave me alone because of it.’ _ , but Evan shook his head. Harris was part of the reason his arm was broken in the first place. No, he hadn’t been the one to break the bone, but he was part of the reason Evan had...broken his arm. 

 

The bus screeched to a halt outside one of the stops and some brown haired junior and some freshmen’s got on. Evan was a senior now. Harris had moved to Arizona over the summer. Evan should be happy. But...he wasn’t happy. He was scared stiff. Like always.

 

_ ‘Jesus Evan,’ _ He thought to himself,  _ ‘Harris isn’t here to yell at you, he’s not gonna push you anymore, you just need to be invisible and no one will do anything to you the rest for the year. _

 

_ Ok but what if people talk to me? _

 

_ Just be yourself. But also confident. And approachable. And easy to talk to. But mostly just be yourself, be true to yourself.  _

 

_ Ok but what if-’ _

 

“Is this seat taken?” Evan jumped practically a mile out of his seat. He whipped his head around to a black haired, short girl. She had on a bold black and white checkered dress, a jean jacket, and a massive hot pink scarf. Evan tried to ignore the people, mostly girls, who were giggling and looking at her. Oh, how he wished he had her confidence. And apparent lack of soul-marks. 

 

He quickly realized she was still waiting. Evan muttered some incomprehensible phrase but moved his backpack off the seat and scooted into the window. 

 

“Thanks!” She said cheerily. The girl slid into the seat next to him, sticking in a pair of earbuds. Evan glanced over at her phone as she clicked on the play button of some song called “The Schuyler Sisters”, which she instantly began humming to. 

 

Evan focused his attention back out the window, and stayed that way, forehead plastered to the glass the rest of the ride to school. 

 

About ten or so minutes later, the bus came to a screeching halt in front of the school. Sucking in a breath, Evan stood up, letting himself get pulled into the flow of students exiting the vehicle. Upon entering the building, Evan could already feel his throat constricting and his chest tightening.  _ ‘Harris is hundreds of miles away. He can’t hurt you. Stay quiet and invisible and no one will hurt you.’ _

 

The bell would ring in five minutes and Evan began weaving through the crowd to find an empty bathroom he could hide in before the bell rang. His plan was thwarted, however, when a certain Jared Kleinman showed up. 

 

“Are you the first person to break their arm by jerking off?”

 

“Ja _ red _ , that’s not what happened and you know it!” Evan yelped

 

Smirking, he said, “No, no, paint me the picture. You're in your room with some porn on your weird, off brand cellpho-” 

 

“Jared, I don't watch porn. Remember?” Evan hissed, glancing around to make sure no one was listening. 

 

“People change.” Jared replied with a shrug. 

 

“No, I-” He rubbed a palm against his forehead. “I don't like it- remember? You made me watch it when we were fourteen and I told you then that I didn’t like it.”

 

“Whatever.” Jared seemed to re-notice his arm. “Oh, hey, you're cast covers up your soul-marks. Shame, they were, like, one of the only cool things about you.”

 

“No, no they weren't.” Evan shook his head. “They weren't cool, they were weird.”

 

“Whatever man, I thought it was cool you had all three. Beats me, I’ve only got one.”

 

“Yes, I know, Jared.” Evan sighed. Jared pulled his phone out of his pocket and started sliding his thumb across the screen. 

 

“What time is it?” Evan asked, worry starting to eat at him. He refused to be late to anything, ever. 

 

“Uh,” Jared squinted at the screen. “Eight twenty eight.”

 

“Oh, I’m gonna go ahead and go to class then.” Evan loitered a moment after Jared gave him a nod without looking up from his phone. Evan realized that was all he was getting and he began walking to class. 

 

“B118, B118, B118,” He repeated the room number under his breath as he glued his eyes to the tile floor. He, however, wasn’t paying enough attention to his surroundings, because he suddenly felt himself walk right into a person.

 

  
“IMSORRY.” He yelped too loudly, shooting his eyes up to see  _ ‘oh god I just bumped into Connor Murphy, I am so dead’ _ . “I’m sorry, I’m sorry- I’m just. I wasn't- paying attention? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I-”  _ ‘No normal person says sorry that much oh my god.’  _ He ducked his head. “I’m sorry.”

 

There was a pause. Then, “Yeah, whatever, weirdo.” Connor brushed past him, leaving EVan to glance behind him nervously. How was he not dead? What? Shaking off the strangely non violent encounter, Evan finished his route to class with thirty seconds to spare.

 

\-----------

Thursday, March 12 / Connor age 15

 

_ Connor shrugged his backpack off as he took a seat under the bleachers by the football field. It was one of the rare quiet, empty places his high school had to offer. Also, there were no teachers too nearby to catch his smoking, so that was a plus.  _

 

_ However, fate seemed to have decided Connor couldn't have that today.There was some ruckus on the other side of the bleachers. Rolling his eyes, Connor stood up, peering through the slats. A group of four, tall, rough looking boys stood in a huddle, facing away from Connor. He wasn't sure what was happening until one of them moved and he could suddenly see a much smaller, wimpy looking boy, who was struggling on the ground. Everytime he tried to get up, a blond boy would kick him or push him back down. Connor narrowed his eyes, trying to get a feel for the conversation.  _

 

_ “So, Hansen, Harris tells us you’ve got three marks, huh?” Asked an Asian boy who was wearing a green and purple camo tank top.  _

 

_ The small boy, ‘Hansen’, was able to scramble to his feet. He was shaking and his mouth was moving, but it was too quiet to hear.  _

 

_ “What’d you say, dumbass?” Hansen winced, then he nodded.  _

 

_ “Where are they? Show me right now.” Camo demanded. A redhead elbowed Camo, then said. “Check his left wrist, Noah.” _

 

_ Camo-  _ Noah _ , forcefully grabbed Hansen’s left arm, leaving Red Hair, Blondie, and Blondie #2 to watch and snicker.  _

 

_ “You found your soulmates yet?” Hansen started nodding, but then instantly shook his head.  _

 

_ “Harris, you've gone to school with him since, like, fuckin’ kindergarten. Is he lying?” Red, or ‘Harris’ smirked and nodded.  _

 

_ “His familial’s his mom.”  _

 

_ It was quite a beat, then Blondie #2 started cackling and Blondie #1 pointed at Hansen, shouting, “Oh my god! Oh my god! You-your familial soulmark is your  _ mom _? Dear God, Hansen, that is the lamest thing I’ve heard all my life.” _

 

_ Hansen said something else, again too quiet to hear.  _

 

_ “You hear that? ‘Sorry’, oh my God, he’s so fucking weird.” Blondie #2 laughed.  _

 

_ “Yeah, he’s so weird.” Noah agreed.  _

 

_ “No normal person says sorry that much oh my god.” Blondie #1 added.  _

 

_ “You’re so weird Hansen, you hear that?” Harris grabbed Hansen’s shirt collar, getting in his face.  “Having three marks doesn’t make you cool, it just makes you weird.” _

 

_ “I wonder if they’re actually just a birth defect and he got them from his mom.” _

 

_ “She’s probably as stupid and weird as you, Hansen.” Hansen mouthed something else.  _

 

_ “Oh my god, what a fucking idiot.” Connor bristled. The assholes seemed to have gotten their fill by then, however, because after Red gave Hansen a kick to the shin, they all sauntered off.  _

 

_ Hansen crumpled to the ground, shaking and covering his face. ‘Should I go see if he’s okay..?’ Connor thought to himself. It would be nice, but then again, he did have a pretty nasty reputation. Would this small, anxious looking kid even  _ want _ Connor to help? Probably not. If he’s upset he’ll get it figured out. _

 

_ Connor picked up his backpack and left.  _

 

\------------

Present Day, Connor Age 17

 

“Are you gonna mope like that all semester?” Zoe asked annoyingly. 

 

“Maybe if I was allowed to drive, I’d have more reasons to smile.” Zoe rolled her eyes. 

 

“If you would stop testing Mom and Dad, I bet they wouldn't have taken your keys.” 

 

“Whatever, I don’t care. It’s a fucking stupid way to discipline me though.” He muttered, glaring out the window while his  **little sister drove him to school** . 

 

“I hate to agree, but yeah. Its fucking dumb.” Connor didn't say anything in response. 

 

When they arrived, Zoe wasted no time in distancing herself from him and finding her friends. Connor headed the opposite way, wandering aimlessly through the crowds as he waited for the bell to ring in five minutes. He pulled his earbuds out, deciding to drown himself in some alternative song he had on his phone rather than listen to the hallway noise. After a song and a half, Connor figured it was as good a time as any to go to class. However, before he’d even gone ten feet, a short kid who  _ radiated _ nervous energy hurtled into him. Connor stumbled back, eyes narrowing, preparing to flip the kid off when he was stopped short. 

 

“IMSORRY” Cried the boy, instantly backing off, fidgeting with his hands and rocking on the balls of his feet as he tried to look at Connor without raising his head. He looked scarily familiar, but Connor couldn’t remember his name. 

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry- I’m just. I wasn't- paying attention? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I-” He broke off, squirming under Connor’s gaze. “..I’m sorry..” 

 

Connor, surprisingly, wasn’t mad. He was just deep in thought, scanning his memories for why on earth this person was so familiar. Where does he remember him from? Connor drew a blank. 

 

Still leafing through memories, Connor tried to act laidback and give a calm response. 

 

“Yeah, whatever, weirdo.” Connor barked, shoving past him. Wow, Connor, what a ‘laidback’ and ‘calm’ response. 

 

For the rest of the day, Connor found himself struggling to get the boy out of his head. It was literally driving him insane that he couldn't remember his name. 

 

_ ‘N...n.. Wait, did it have an H? Or something...something like...like… _

 

_ Hansen. Hansen, yes! That was...that was it!’  _ He was that kid that Connor saw getting bullied in Freshman year, God, that felt like forever ago..

 

Newly determined, Connor wanted to find him and…..apologize for bumping into him earlier? Honestly, Connor had no reason to talk to Hansen, but..he wanted to? It was really weird. 

 

Connor had his chance later that day. The end of the day bell had just rung, and Connor saw a familiar looking blue polo darting across the hall and slipping into the computer lab. Naturally, Connor followed him. 

 

Upon entering, Connor spotted Hansen settling into a seat, dropping his backpack onto the spot next to him.  _ ‘Wow, at least we have being super social in common’  _ Connor thought sarcastically, before following that up with confusion as to why he wanted to have stuff in common with this guy. 

 

Uncomfortably, Connor shuffled over to Hansen’s computer, noticing the boy had earbuds in and was typing frantically on the computer, clearly absorbed in whatever he was doing. He coughed, trying to get Hansen’s attention in a “im super chill and want to talk to you, so like, dont freak out or something”. 

 

It had literally the exact opposite effect.

 

Hansen jumped practically out of his skin, somehow his earbuds went sailing several feet away, whatever page he was on on the computer had now been ex-ed out, and he had his backpack on, shaking. “I’m so Sorry, you can-you can sit here, I-I-I just- let me just, um-um, logout! I’ll log out, then..you can…...have the uh, the..entire computer lab…” He trailed off towards the end, voice getting slower and softer, as he rocked back in forth, making a desperate attempt to not look at Connor. 

 

_ ‘Well, that went smoothly, huh?’ _

 

“No, you don’t have to...uh, do that..” Connor had no idea how on Earth to phrase this. “I actually wanted to talk to you?” 

 

“Ab-bout what? Do we ha-have a class together?” Hansen asked, shifting his backpack straps. 

 

“Um,” Oh god. “I just wanted..to….chat?”  _ ‘Someone end my life right now’ _ He thought, clenching his teeth. 

 

“With me?” 

 

“Yes..?” 

 

“Why?” Hansen furrowed his brow, making fleeting eye contact, but looking genuinely confused as to why Connor would to talk to him. 

 

“I dunno, I guess..I just remember you? From something a few years ago, and..wanted to see, uh, what's up?” How? Was he? So bad? At this?

 

“Oh.” Hansen was silent a moment. “What was the-the thing?”

 

“Uh….”  _ ‘Nothing big, I just watched you get bullied and did literally nothing’  _ “I don’t remember exactly, just that you were...there.”

 

“Oh.” Hansen repeated. He seemed unaware of how to progress the conversation, which sucked because Connor didn’t either, and right now it felt like he was grasping at straws. 

 

It was quiet again, until Evan’s phone began rapid fire beeping, causing both of them to jump. 

 

“S-sorry, I just- I, uh, what?” Hansen’s rambling turned into confusion as he picked up his phone from under the pile of ear buds on the ground. 

 

“What is it?” Connor asked, feeling himself grow curious. 

 

“It’s my frie- my family friend, he uh, he’s..” He trailed off again, reading. Suddenly, “WHAT.” He practically choked. 

 

“What?”

 

Hansen began typing a reply. “His...sister found, uh, she found her soulmate..” Evan paused, glancing up at him. “Romantic soulmate, and its uh..its a girl.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yeah, and like, Ja- my frie- my- ugh, Jared didn’t know that she was gay, or at least that she liked girls, so he’s just...sorta flipping out.” Hansen continued texting. 

 

“Is he homophobic or something?” Connor asked, irritation settling in.  _ ‘If Hansen was homophobic too, this conversation was going to end instantly.’ _

 

“Is he?- oh. Oh, no no no. Ja- I mean, er, he’s uh, he’s gay too, so it’s like, um, well he just didn’t know? And no one else did either? So it was just sort of a surprise when Jenna brought her-her girlfriend home.”

 

“Is your friend,” Jared. He’d said the name literally twice, Connor didn’t know why he kept trying to cover it up. “at school? How would he know?”

 

“His little sister is home sick and she’s apparently live texting him, and I guess that’s what he’s-he’s doing to me, now. Which is funny, he um, he never texts me. Like, ever, so I just, I’m surprised that he’d come to me about stuff like this.” 

 

“Hm.” Connor said, unsure how to respond. “Does she...have any other marks?”

 

“Nope. Just the one. Actually, his entire family just has one each, so it's- it's pretty cool if you ask me. I was- I was always jealous of him, um, for that.” Hansen blushed, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. 

 

“Do you not, uh, have any, then?” Connor, feeling something sort of happiness fly up that this conversation wasn't a total trainwreck. Yet. 

 

“No? I uh, I have, um, all three, actually..” He stared at the ground.

 

Right, now Connor remembers. Hansen had three, that's what the kids were bullying him about. But once again, he’s swept away by that fact, and tries to keep his reaction neutral. 

 

“Three? Holy shit, Hansen, that’s insane.” Hansen flinched at the use of his name, confusing Connor a little. He seemed to have completely deflated, however, which made Connor’s pessimistic attitude go wild. 

 

“It’s, um’ it’s Evan. Hansen. Evan Hansen. I dont- I dont like when people call me by my last name.” He shuddered involuntarily, rubbing his casted arm on the vein. “And y-yeah, it’s um, it’s really weird that I have three, like, no one else I’ve ever met has three, and that’s just-that’s really weird? I mean, yeah. It’s weird, I’m so sorry.” 

 

“I don’t know about weird, seems pretty cool to me. But whatever, where are they?” 

 

Evan flinched again, his hand protectively circling his casted wrist, before muttering a soft, “Here.” And pointing to his left wrist, the one he’d been covering, despite it having a cast on it. 

 

“Oh..uh, cool? I’ve only got one, on my ankle. It’s a weird lookin tree thing, so, that’s something.” He noticed Evan’s eyes get stuck on Connor’s feet, but he was guilty of doing the same when he’d found out about his wrist. 

 

Suddenly, Connor noticed something. “No one’s signed your cast yet?” 

 

“Oh yeah, um, I-I asked some- but, no, I mean- yeah, no one’s signed it yet…” He dropped his arms down to his sides in a sort of defeated way, and Connor felt something almost protective surge up inside him. 

 

“Okay, well, I’ll sign it then” 

 

“What? Are you sure? That’s a really big commitment, I mean..”

 

“Signing someone's cast is a really big commitment? I’m not gonna tattoo my name onto your skin.” Connor smirked. 

 

Evan tried to laugh, but it came out really forced, and suddenly Connor began doubting himself. Was this too forced? Did Evan literally hate him? Probably. 

 

“I mean, yeah, I guess it’s not. That’s just- uh, what people used to tell me in Elementary school. Like, ‘Oh, Evan. Don’t sign my cast! It’s only reserved for my friends, ad we can’t have people thi-thinking we’re friends!’ I mean, I don't know, that’s just what they would..they would say..” He trailed off again. 

 

“Well, ‘they’ sound really shitty.” Connor replied bluntly. 

 

Evan laughed, and that time it sounded more genuine. “Y-yeah, they were pretty sh- pretty bad, um, they didn’t like me..very uh, well, yeah. Um, I have a pen, if you want to like..” He dropped his bag on the table, digging around a bit before pulling out a sharpie. “Here.” He muttered, thrusting his hand out to Connor. 

 

Connor took the sharpie, stepping closer to Evan and grabbing his arm to write. A whimper escaped the other boy, which caused Connot to think he might have been a little rough. 

 

He quickly scribbled his name, way larger and messier than he intended; he doesn't have great handwriting, plus Evan kept fidgeting. Dropping the sharpie back on the table, he tried to gauge Evan’s reaction. 

 

Evan stared down at it, a small smile spreading onto his lips. He looked up at Connor, grinning, “Thanks!” He said brightly, and Connor felt himself involuntarily smile back.

 

Before either of them could speak again, the computer teacher, Mrs Rowley entered the room, and began speaking to Evan. “We’re doing maintenance in here all week, sorry Evan, you're not gonna be able to hang out in here after school anymore.”

 

Evan looked up, shocked. “Ok-kay, wha-what about next week?”

 

“Tech club. Their teacher grabbed the whole lab Monday and Wednesday, you can come the other days though, if you’d like.”

 

“Okay.” Evan said uncertainly. He pulled his backpack on again. “Sorry. B-bye Mrs Rowley.” He glanced back at Connor. “Um, we should-should go.”

 

Connor nodded, unreasonably happy that Evan wasn’t planning on ditching him as soon as they left. 

 

“Okay, let’s.” 

 

\--------------

 

Literally two days later

 

“Okay, uh, would you rather….literally be stabbed in the ear, or constantly feel like you've stubbed your toe?”

 

“What the fuck, Evan.”

 

Evan was struggling to breath through his laughter. 

 

“J..just answer…” 

 

“Okay, uh…...stabbed in the ear. It’ll kill me, so I won’t have to live with the  **ultimate curse** .”

 

The blond regained his composure. “Okay, but one day wouldn't you eventually become desensitized to the pain?” 

 

Connor raised an eyebrow. “Are you saying that's what you’d pick?”

 

“Hell no, I only said it cause it's the worst thing I could think of at the moment.” 

 

Connor started laughing again. “We-well, there's my reasoning!” 

 

\-----------

 

A few weeks later, because filler Is For Punks

  
  


“If you could pick any celebrity to be your romantic soul mate, who’d you pick?”

 

“Would that mean they’d be my best friend too?”

 

“Well...technically, I guess.” 

 

“Okay… Ryan Gosling, no question.”

 

“Seriously?”

 

“Or...maybe Beyonce..I dunno.” 

 

“I can respect both those answers.”

 

“You?”

 

“Chris Pine, if I’m honest. Maybe Tom Holland.” 

 

“I like Tom Holland.” 

 

“Did you see the spiderman movie?”

 

“I was obsessed with spiderman as a kid, if I hadn’t gone to see it, I’d be disrespecting my child self.” 

 

“That’s fair.” 

 

..

 

“Okay, wait, Evan.”

 

“What? Did you change your mind about respecting my answer?”

 

“I feel like you’re teasing, but I honestly can’t tell.”

 

“I’m not teasing, I’m being completely, 100% serious. In fact, I’ve never teased anyone in my entire life.” 

 

“Who knew you were so sarcastic, damn. But no, I had just randomly realized that I’ve never seen your soul marks.” 

 

“Well, I kind of have a cast that covers the-”

 

“I know you have a cast- shu-  **stop laughing at me** ! I just- ugh, I mean, I’ve never even seen a picture of them.” 

 

“To be fair, you always wear socks, so like, I’ve never seen yours either.” 

 

“What if I broke my foot so i got a cast and then you had to wait a thousand years before you could even see it.”

 

“Why…..why are you thinking about that?”

 

“I dunno. I just wanna see yours. I mean, come on, you’ve got three! That’s so cool!”

 

“I guess it’s  _ kinda  _ cool…”

 

“Quit smirking at me- quit- you ass! Stop it!” 

 

“Stop hitting me, I’m crippled! You can’t hit a cripple!”

 

“Shut up!”

 

“I..i’m ..oh, god, okay. Do you seriously want to see them? Cause I’ve probably got a picture somewhere around here.”

 

“Yes!” 

 

“You’re such a five year old. C’mon.” 

 

……

 

“Welcome to the Hansen Picture Place.”

 

“Where all your dreams go to  **die** .”

 

“Well, jeez, that’s morbid.”

 

“Whatever. Show me some baby Evan.” 

 

“Weirdo. Okay, um, I’m in long sleeves here, you can’t see them here, uhhh, oh, you can see one here!” 

 

“Is that like a…uh,”

 

“A weird half circle thing. It’s my familial.”

 

“Who’s your soulmate?” 

 

“My mom. It’s really lame, sorry.” 

 

“I dunno, at least you're close enough with your mom that that's even possible.”

 

“Yeah...I guess. Anyway….looking, looking, oh! Okay, you can see my whole arm here! Ignore Jared- it’s just some weird holiday picture thing our moms made us take.”

 

“Oooh it’s- uh. Oh. Oh, fuck.” 

 

“What? Connor? Connor, what is it?” 

 

“Uh..”

 

“Connor..?”

 

……

 

“Connor why are you..oh.  _ Oh _ .” 

 

\--------------

 

Like a few weeks later or smth idk

  
  


“So….I’m getting my cast off later today.” 

 

“Does that mean your arm’s gonna be all gross and shriveled?”

 

“Um, no? I don’t think- I mean, I  _ doubt _ that..uh, I- I hope not. I hope not.” 

 

“If it is I’ll still be your friend.” 

 

“Okay.” 

 

\-----------

 

Like maybe a week later idk i cant do times who even knows

  
  


“This is so weird.”

 

“What is?”

 

“I dunno, I’m just like...not used to there not being a massive cast with my name on it attached to you.”

 

“Oh, yeah, I mean, I’m still getting used to it too, I guess.” 

 

“And also, like..the uh, the marks and st _ u _ ff.” 

 

“Oh, yeah. It’s um, it’s weird seeing them again. I feel like I was starting to forget what they looked like.”

 

“That would be weird.”

 

“Yeah…. Weird..”

 

“Mhm.” 

 

…..

 

…..

 

“Hey can I tell you something?” 

 

“What’s up?”

 

“Okay, this is like, really stupid, and um, and stuff. But, um, like, since you- since we became friends. I’ve just. I’ve been like, less not happy, and I just, wanted to like...thanks. For not being a jerk and stuff.” 

 

“Oh. Well, um, same to you, Evan. I think we’ve both had more than our fair share of jerks.”

 

“And stuff.”

 

“And stuff.”

 

\------------

 

Idk time is an illusion anyway what does it matter

  
  


Connor stared at his feet. He was currently sitting in bed, at four am, with only the light from the partially curtained window letting him see. 

 

He couldn’t sleep, and if he was being honest, it didn’t help that a single thought had been weighing in the back of his mind for the past few weeks. 

 

He and Evan were soulmates. 

 

Evan had two identical marks that would mean his romantic and platonic were the same person, and Connor had one mark that was an exact copy of his two. 

 

Which meant they were soulmates. 

 

Technically. 

 

There were a pair of dark gray socks that covered his feet, but not tall enough that they covered his ankle, his soulmark. 

 

If Connor turned his head ninety degrees to the left, he’d see an air mattress with  _ his soulmate _ asleep on. 

 

That was probably another reason why he couldn’t sleep.

 

Technically, Evan Hansen was simultaneously his romantic  _ and _ his platonic soulmate, which was, which was something. 

 

He could totally see the platonic part, he and Evan had clicked as friends almost instantly, and the few months they had been friends, they’d only had one fight, which had been because Evan never wanted Connor to come to his house, which he later learned was because he felt kind of embarrassed of it. 

 

But the romantic part? Connor wasn’t so sure about that. Of course, he could see that, that  _ technically _ , Evan was, partially, sort of, kinda  _ attractive _ , but that didn’t mean anything! All that meant was that  _ sometimes _ Connor found himself not wanting to look away from his eyes (so. fucking. blue.), and the crinkle his nose did whenever he smirked or laughed made Connor feel like he was floating, but that...that didn’t mean that Connor  _ liked  _ him. 

 

It was completely platonic. 

 

Except for the part where according to Evan’s mark, it wasn’t  _ completely _ platonic. 

  
  


But who even cares? They don’t have to date, there’s no law saying they must, so it’s really not even a big deal. Which was exactly what they had decided after finding out. 

 

_ “Um, okay so that. That means that we’re…? Uh.” _

 

_ “Yeah, I..I guess?” _

 

_ “Okay, um, well, so we could just- er, well. Okay, it doesn’t-nothing needs to change, right?” _

 

_ “Ri-right..” _

 

_ “Okay, so we just, we stay friends, then?” _

 

_ “Yeah.” _

 

_ “Okay….um, Jose.”  _

 

Nothing was changing. They were just best friends. 

 

Best, platonic soulmate, friends. 

 

And nothing else.

  
  


\--------

 

Ooooooh im a edgy teen who doesnt believe in time and is also too lazy to think of any of any actual unit of time at the moment ooooh spooky

  
  


Connor was so, totally, completely, absolutely, one hundred percent, fucked. 

 

He liked Evan.

 

He didn’t know when exactly it had started, but he definitely hadn’t realized for at least a while after. 

 

Who knew soft, longing stares became so obvious to the general public?

 

Okay, okay. Let’s do a quick summary. 

 

It’s December 13, a Friday. Evan and Connor had been eating lunch and talking about what they were going to do that weekend, y’know, like normal, platonic, friends. 

 

Then. Then  **he** showed up. 

 

_ “Evan, what the fuck?” _

 

Evan had jumped a thousand miles out of his seat, Connor also somewhat startled, because  _ who the fuck just shouts that as a greeting? _

 

_ “Jared? Uh, what are- what do you wa-need?” _

 

_ “Um, I was stopping by to say hi? Since we haven’t talked like all year?” _

 

_ “Oh! Uh, I’m sorry, I’ve been um, I’ve had..stuff..” _

 

_ “Well, I have too, so don’t worry.” _

 

_ “Wait, wha- why are you sitting down?” _ __  
  


_ “I’m gonna tell y’all why I’m feelin so shooketh, like-” _

 

_ “Um, shoo-shooketh?” _

 

_ “-I honestly never imagined I’d see  _ **_him_ ** _ chatting with the sweet little bean Evan.” _

 

_ “The what? I’m not a-” _

 

_ “Yeah? Well, Evan and I are friends now. So get over it.” _

 

_ “I’m just surprised and stuff.” _

 

_ “O-okay, well um, if tha-” _

 

_ “Oh my God!!!!!! You got your cast off!!” _

 

_ “Yeah, um, a few months ago..” _

 

_ “Oh, well, cool. That’s..cool.” _

 

_ “You didn’t noti- er, no, um, nevermind, sorry.” _

 

_ “Are you done, Klienman? We were in the middle of something.” _

 

_ “What? Being weird, loners?” _

 

_ “No, that’s not- er, we hadn’t-no, just, uh-” _

 

_ “God, just shut up. That was getting pathetic.” _

 

_ “Sorry..” _

 

_ “You don’t have to be such an ass.” _

 

_ “Why do you care?” _

 

_ “Because he’s my friend? And he-” _

 

_ “ _ **_Oh my God._ ** _ ” _

 

_ “What? Jared- what?” _

 

_ “You two are soulmates aren’t you.”  _

 

_ “NOT LIKE THAT!” _

 

_ “Oh my God! This is hysterical! So what, Evan, you’re gay then?” _

 

_ “Leave him alone, Klienman.” _

 

_ “I’m-I’m not, uh, I- um, n-no, I’m not. Um, no.” _

 

_ “Dude, everyone already knows I’m gay, I’m not gonna go all Harris on you.” _

 

_ “Please don’t- please don’t s-say tha- uh, pl- uh,.” _

 

_ “Kleinman, I swear to fucking God-” _

 

_ “What? I didn’t do anything! I didn’t think he’d start freaking out-” _

 

Connor didn’t end up punching him. He really, really wanted to, but he didn’t. Evan had, while borderline hyperventilating (which was not a good sign), grabbed his arm and practically dragged him away, but it was sort of around that moment that Connor started to realize something. 

 

He kind of did want them to be soulmates “like that”.

 

Huh.

 

And even after sitting with Evan in the bathroom for thirty minutes while the other teen struggled to come down from the panic that simply hearing a single name had caused, Connor still kind of maybe  _ really _ wanted it. 

 

Huh. 

 

\-----------------

 

Exactly four million seven hundred and ninety eight thousand two hundred and three seconds later

  
  
  


Evan had just accepted everything he thought he was sure of, he was actually wrong about. 

 

He was not straight, like he had thought. That had been figured out recently. 

 

He did not want to be just Connor’s friend, like he had thought. Also, learned recently. 

 

He was not 5’10, like he thought. He was actually 5’9.25. This was learned at his last doctor’s appointment, a few months ago, but he was still bitter. 

 

Oh yeah. He liked Connor. 

 

That was a thing. 

 

It had all sort of started when his mother told him they were going for the Klienman’s for dinner the coming Saturday, which had been three days away. 

 

Evan was irritated, because he’d been planning to hang out with Connor that night. His mom technically knew  _ of  _ Connor, meaning, she’d never met him, but Evan talked about him almost constantly (in a totally non-creepy way, obviously), so she had an idea of him. A very positive, biased idea of him. 

 

_ “Honey, can you remind me to pick up a veggie tray or something like that when I got to the store in two days?”  _

 

_ “Okay, why?” _

 

_ “The Kleinman’s dinner party? I’ve told you about this.” _

 

_ “No you haven’t!”  _

 

_ “Yes, I have, actually. Last week, the other day. It’s on Saturday.”  _

 

_ “But I’m busy Saturday!” _

 

_ “Doing what?”  _

 

_ “Hanging out with Connor?” _

 

_ “Um, no you’re not. Cassidy Kleinman and I have been planning this for weeks, you don’t get to bail at the last second to hang out with this Connor guy.” _

 

_ “But  _ **_Mom_ ** _ -”  _

 

_ “Evan, I’m serious. No arguing.”  _

 

_ “I don’t even hang out with him that much!”  _

 

_ “Really? You mean to tell me that you comin home late and disappearing all day is ‘not that much’?” _

 

_ “Well, it’s-it’s not the same!” _

 

_ “How so? What makes this Saturday so unique?”  _

 

_ “I was- well, we were going to- well, it’s-it’s like-” _

 

_ “Evan.” _

 

_ “Wha-what?” _

 

_ “Breath.” _

 

_ …. _

 

_ “Good, now try again.”  _

 

_ “We were gonna hang out, li-like usual, but I was- I had something t-to tell him, that was- that was important.”  _

 

_ “What were you going to tell him?”  _

 

_ “I, well, I don’t really, I mean-” _

 

_ “Evan, if you can’t tell me, I don’t think you should be telling him. Plus, how long have you even known this boy?” _

 

_ “Sin-since school started- ish! And it’s not that I can’t tell you, it’s-it’s just hard to, it’s difficult to put into words.”  _

 

_ “I’m trying to understand your point of view here, please, try to tell me.” _

 

_ “I was..I was gonna, um, c-co-” _

 

_ …....”-Oh! Evan, sweetie, why are you-? Shh, it’s okay, sweetie, why are you crying?” _

 

_ “I-I can’t do it! I thou-thought I could and I can’t! I..can’t..” _

 

_ “Breath, slowly okay, try not to start hyperventilating. Okay….okay, good. Please try to tell me, honey.” _

 

_ “..I was gonna come out to him..” _

 

_ ….. “Oh,”  _

 

_ “I’m so-sorry! I was gonna tell you I just-I-I couldn’t, there was never a good time and I started-I was going to, to tell him and then something happened and freaked me out and-and I lost my nerve and got all scared and I couldn’t and I want to now, and I’m-I’m so scared of how he’ll react and I finally kind of decided i would do it ad I’m so sorry I totally forgot about dinner I’m sorry I’m sorry-” _

 

_ “Shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay. I’m not upset with you, sweetie. Can you try to tell me what freaked you out?” _

 

_ “I-I can’t! I’m sorr-sorry...I’m sorry…” _

 

_ “Shh..shh. It’s okay..” _

 

_ “Mom, we-we-we’re...um, we, uh, we-” _

 

_ ….. “Take as long as you need to, honey. There’s no rush right now.”  _

 

_ “He’s my-my sou-soulmate, Mom.”  _

 

_ ….. “Okay..so platonic and romantic?” _

 

_ “Y-yes..” _

 

_ “Okay. Do you like him? Romantically, I mean.” _

 

_ “I don’t-I don’t know.. I thought- well, when we-we found out, we kinda said we wouldn’t date, bu-but now, I..I just don-don’t know.” _

 

_ “Okay, well, I think if you want to come out, you should trust your gut, okay? Just be cautious, because he may let something slip and..and I don’t want you to be hurt. Okay?”  _

 

_ “Okay..thank you, Mom.”  _

 

When the conversation had begun, Evan wasn’t sure if he even  _ liked  _ Connor. It was something about saying it out loud that made it seem more  _ real _ , and honestly? It was scary as fuck. 

 

Evan had had crushes on guys before. There was a boy at the summer camp he’d attended in sixth grade, that to his eleven year old self, was the hottest person in the entire universe. And of course the  _ countless  _ crushes he’d had on male celebrities. 

 

So, he sorta figured he was bisexual? 

 

Technically, he’d already hinted to Connor that he thought boys were….good. But this would be making it official, and what if Connor thought that that was him hinting he had a crush on him? Well, okay, Evan kind of _ did  _ have a crush on Connor, but he didn’t want him to know that!

 

Or, maybe he did?

 

Evan was confused. 

 

But that didn’t matter. He was going to tell Connor, at some point, and something would happen.

 

Well, at least he had a plan. 

 

\----------------

What  _ is _ time? What are we? If time doesn’t exist and is meaningless, then do we even exist? Are we truly so insignificant that whether or not we choose to put time stamps on our piece of writing even truly matter in the entire scheme of the universe? I digress. 

  
  


Dear Evan Hansen, 

Today is going to be a good day because...because I’m gonna do it. I’m finally going to do it.

This is so weird, it’s been months since I actually even tried on these letters, but maybe today will be when I finally try. Because, by the end of the day, no matter how this goes, I’ll have  _ something _ to write about. 

So yeah, I’m telling Connor that I like him. Like, not just platonically. Maybe it will go well. I hope it does. 

I mean, we’re romantic soulmates! Aren’t our marks proof that we would be a good couple? I don’t know. 

I hope, though. 

Sincerely, 

Me 

 

P.s

As soon as I have a chance, I’m going to write about what happened. 

  
  
  


dear evan hansen

Its two am??? Im really tired. My head hurts. Im typing this on my phone. 

Also i cant stop smiling.

I told him. I told him. I cant believe i actually did it. Like, wow.

So, we were at his house, just chattin around and i was having like an internal panic the entire time??? And he mustve noticed cause he was like “evan you good?” and i was like “well, actually theres something i need to tell you”, except with like waaaaaaay more stuttering and word stumbles. So hes like “ok, whats that?” and i sorta pause and then i was like “hdxuqgkq i have a crush on you” and i was FREAKING OUT??????? CAUSE.  THAT WASNT HOW ID PLANNED OT SAY IT AND I STARTED FREAKING ABOUT WHAT HE MAY DO. but then. Oh myb gihoidhixnuyx2gx THEN. hes like “seriously?” im like “bnufqbqb y yeah??” and i cant remember his exact wording but basically. HE LIKES ME TOO!!!!!! I CANT. BELIEVE IT. I S2G I FELT LIKE A TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL WITH A CRUSH AND TBH I STILL DO. I JUST AHHHHHHHHHH. Also.he kissed me. Then i also kissed him. And Wow. it was. Wow. but ok. Anyway. I ended up sleeping over and now we’re sharing a bed and he’s asleep and i honestly feel like im floating. But im really tired, so, in conclusion:

 

Evan Hansen, today was an amazing day because ok, good things do happen. It takes awhile, and its hard, and you may hate yourself for half of it, but they do happen. 

 

Sincerely, Me

  
  


Fin. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> this took me like a third of the year, hopefully you guys enjoy it


End file.
